Have you ever attended a social gathering, walked up to the stranger, talked for 5 minutes, then never speak with them again? We all know that you would not become friends with everyone you ever met. However, as our life goes on, we do have the need to constantly develop new friendships. Friendships also change as interactions with each other can increase or decrease, for example, you talked to your college friends every day in college but the interactions dropped off when some of them moved back to the place where they came from after graduation. That is okay and that’s why we need to start new conversations and develop new relationships with new people.
Starting a conversation happens basically anywhere, from career fairs to coffee shops and it is an important skill to pick up in life. So, we are here to tell you what you are doing wrong that resulted in an awkward 5-minute conversation.
In a family gathering like Thanksgiving, you often see relatives that you only see once a year. You are probably annoyed by the same questions these relatives throw at you every single time such as “What do you do” & “Where do you live”. It is no different when you meet a stranger, nobody likes to answer those questions or they even have created a script for those questions. Also, we think we should all know questions like “What are you doing this weekend?” or “What’s going on” are not going to lead you to anywhere and just end in an awkward silence.
Let’s make this clear, we are not encouraging you to not ask questions but our objective is to get people to talk more about them. It is important to know not to ask questions in order to start conversations. We don’t want to bore our counterparts and make them nervous which resulted in a premature end.
We all have our feelings and sometimes it is okay to express your negative feelings and opinions to someone you know well. However, in some situations, people would be turned off by the negative opinion or sometimes insults. Here’s quick story to illustrate my point.
Hotel Receptionist: Where are you from?
Hotel Receptionist: I hate Boston. I went there last winter and the snow freaked me out. Not going to visit again for a long time.
I get that it does snow a lot in Boston, but there is no need to bash on the place where I live. Not only did I receive the negative opinion about my city but also ended the conversation quickly.
If a friend or a co-worker changed their hairstyle, you can say, “You got a haircut?” or “Your hair looks great!” Both deliver the same message but you can clearly tell the latter is the better choice. When you make a compliment, it is crucial to make sure you deliver your message clearly. A compliment like “You smell like you just came back from the beach. No one can tell if that is a compliment or an insult other than the speaker himself. However, we all can tell that is not a great conversation starter.
In order to keep the conversation going after a compliment, you can ask a question. Wait, what happen to the no question part? Yes, that is true but you can ask a question that won’t annoy people. Let’s illustrate this point with a story that happened to me, I recently purchased a pair of new shoes and walked into the office. My co-worker asked me, “I like your shoes, where did you get it?” Not only this started a conversation but it is also a compliment. After I told him the location, she told me, her brother’s birthday is coming up and that would be a perfect gift for him.
It could be difficult for people start a conversation with a stranger. However, by making that first step and keeping that conversation going, you could end up with a great friendship. By following the 3 principles above, you would never have the awkward 5-minute conversation again.
Contact Inborn Voice for more tips on how to speak more clearly and using your voice more effectively. We offer voice & speech lessons and therapies, public speaking training, and interview preparations. We are located at the Cummings Center in Beverly, MA while offering lessons worldwide via Skype.
Did you know the way we speak had an influence on our personality and our brain? Our 5 senses, sight, hearing, taste, smell, and touch affects how we see the world and how we communicate with each other either in writing or speaking.
Since the way we think is reflected by the way we speak, thus if we train ourselves speak in a better and more complete manner, we are effectively and continuously changing the neural pathway of our brain. As a result, the way we think will change also.
For example, every culture on our planet has a different way of mindset and thus has a different way of communicating. This can be seen when people of different cultures speak the same language with an accent. Americans write in American English but someone from California speaks differently than someone from Massachusetts. A person from England speaks and writes differently than someone from Australia. It is more prevalent when a person who speaks English as a second language. Someone from Japan has a totally different mindset than someone from Spain and thus may hinder their ability to express themselves when they use English to communicate with each other. All these differences have proven to develop different brainwaves and neural connections inside our brain.
It is important to not forget that our brain is something that works with sound, images, tastes, touch, smell. When we communicate, we always choose to narrow our internal reality to a single word. Let’s think back and count how many times you use the word “awesome”, “absolutely”, “sure”, “amazing”. They are a representation of different ideas that came across your mind when you communicate with other people.
With that being said, it is crucial to learn how to speak better by taking voice & speech lessons from a professional voice coach. Mylena of Inborn Voice has over 30 years of experience of teaching hundreds of students in the world to improve their voice and speaking ability using the unique Inborn Voice method. The Inborn Voice method is intended to recover the powerful and expressive voice you had when you were a baby. Contact Mylena now to improve your voice & speech effectiveness in public speaking, acting, job interviews, and more. Inborn Voice offers lessons in the Cumming Center of Beverly, MA and online lessons for international students.
Here is the transcript about Mylena Vocal Coach video session at the Communication Skill Course at UCSC as Topic Expert:
Good morning everyone!
First of all let me introduce myself. My name is Milena Origgi. I work as a vocal coach in Boston (U.S.A) and I want to thank the University Cattolica and professor Roberta Virtuani for the opportunity to speak about the hidden powers of the human voice and its implications in this Communication Skills course.
Poor communication skills can result in missed opportunities in life as well as professional and personal frustration and failures. But the good news is good communication skills can be trained!
Probably some of you will feel uncomfortable because of the so-called “language barrier”, but right now by taking this course in English you are already bringing your communication skills to a new level! You can study a foreign language perfectly in class, even pass the Test Of English as a Foreign Language (T.O.E.F.L) with good results, yet, when the Voice takes over, in the real world, with real people, the game changes.
All you knowledge seems to vanish and you feel like you are no longer able to express your thoughts.
Everyone has experienced this difficulty in learning a new language but the same happens with all the others communication skills, even in your mother language! We are all capable of becoming a great communicator in any language just don’t take your vocal abilities for granted.
Everyone needs to learn!
Let’s analyze some technical prerequisites of verbal communication, so you can better understand what are your strengths and where you have to improve:
1) Sufficient intelligence and knowledge.
This sounds obvious but is not! We are the only beings able to communicate in a such complex manner! It takes us many years just to start speaking complete sentences and more than a decade to speak fluently! You have trained yourself in the art of communicating to the others what you feel inside, by trial and error, through observation and endless repetitions. If you think that speaking is simply pronouncing words in sequence you are oversimplifying!
The verbal communication is the topmost layer of a very complex reality!
You have learned a full set of unconscious communication skills the pre-verbal and if you want to develop fluency and mastery in the art of speaking, you must train to recognize and control all these aspects.
2) Suitable vocal apparatus.
The remarkable differences between our vocal apparatus and that of primates is not anatomical. What makes us different is our neurological capability to control the movements required to produce all the phonemes in the correct sequence and speed.
This activity has required years of training!
To master this skill you have to learn how to control your voice to make it sound colorful, expressive and able to transmit emotions!
3) Breath control abilities
We speak by controlling the flow of air in our vocal apparatus if we could not control our breathing we would not be able to speak!
What makes us different from other primates is again our neurological capability to control our breathing. And guess what? Also this has required a long training!
Your breathing is deeply related also with your emotions. While you speak, if you are not in control, you may be gasping for breath, flushing or even sweating!
All these factors will influence the outcome of your communication.
Don’t worry! Even these can be retrained!
4) Ability to listen and understand others
This is the last point, but it is in fact the most important one. Your voice has been trained through your ears, and almost all your communication skills are the direct result of the work of the mirror neurons during your childhood.
Now that you have reached maturity, your mirror neurons are overwhelmed by your fully developed mind and learning how to better use your voice require effort!
All these factors are the reason why you may find yourself in trouble when you have to speak or to listen.
A good preparation, like this course, is necessary in order to avoid unintended result. If you want to be a good leader, a brilliant communicator, you have first to get rid of all the counter productive skills you have already developed. This will be the most difficult part. Once sorted out the issues, you can substitute them easily with the appropriate skills.
This is just a glimpse of what is hidden inside the human voice.
Training is the key to achieve a good level of communication in your life.
Most of the time, when you don’t get the results you were expecting with your family, friends, loved ones or in the study and work environment it’s because you’re missing some voice skills!
My work experience has told me that where there are people not happy about their outcomes, there is always a lack of communication
Learning to use your voice more effectively will surely bring relief!
the success in your life and in your career is there waiting for you!
Everyone of us has unconsciously assimilated all the communication skills of their relatives and their role model
Every one of them is still present inside you with their voice.
You just have to identify, between so many, the only voice that was born with you, your Inborn Voice!
That’s why I have spent years of research on this topic and I have named my teaching method Inborn Voice.
Every one of you is precious and unique
Thank you all for your attention and feel free to contact me with your feedback!
What is Autism?
Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder that may impair communication as well as social and cognitive skills. It is also known as autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and a person with ASD may have the following traits:
The biggest problems that might happen to a person with ASD are speech and communication problems. It can deeply affect their communication in many ways.
A person with autism may:
Because of these difficulties, a person with autism must spend more time and effort to learn how to speak than an average person would. Not only is there is a need to improve on their voice, but also body language, tone, and facial expressions. This is when a speech therapist like Mylena of Inborn Voice comes in to improve communication and enhance the quality of life of a person with autism.
Inborn Voice is different from traditional speech therapy techniques that are currently used worldwide:
Some of the Benefits of the Inborn Voice method versus the traditional Speech Therapy:
Research in Europe has shown that Inborn Voice can be an effective way to address those affected by autism and to let them improve their communications skills.
Contact Mylena of Inborn Voice to learn how we can help your child with autism improve their communication skills by using the Inborn Method. We serve the Greater Boston area and more via the personal private lessons at your home. We will visit the child in your home, and then we will start training the parents in our office inside the Cummings Center of Beverly or online. Call us or fill out a contact form for more information.
Do you often speak in a style that often had the words like, you know and weird pauses of um? Try counting the number of those words when you make a speech. You would be surprised by the way you speak can hold you back in your career. It distracts people to truly hear your message and ideas. Due to the habit of ending sentences with an upward inflection, it displays a lack of confidence to your audience. There is also a possibility that your clients may cancel a job due to your speaking style.
Remember the failed Senate bid of Carolyn Kennedy in 2008? Kennedy seemed unable to attract the audience and articulate her ideas without saying you know”. As you rise up the corporate ladder, the bigger the spotlight and expectation.
In order to change your speaking style to sound more professional, here are some easy steps:
In the end, it’s not about copying someone else’s speech style, but to take the elements that make them successful. It’s still about delivering your own unique ideas and using those elements to attract the crowd.
Contact Inborn Voice now to become truly professional at interviews and public speeches.